— Great Relationships

Last month, my GF and I visited a friend for the weekend, and in the bathroom was a cool contraption on the toilet: a bidet! Having spent some time in Europe, my GF was familiar with this little mini-shower-for-the-tush that is commonly used there instead of, or along with, toilet paper. She was wildly enthused about it, joking "Now I can't wait to have to pee!"

But when I tried it, my reaction was: OMG how uncomfortable! Jets of warm water shooting up onto my sensitive parts. Too warm. Too much. I squirmed with wanting to get away. I used the remote to adjust the temp and volume of flow, but it still just felt... weird.

Not surprisingly, my GF and I have other differences along sensitivity lines. For instance, she loves vibrators on her tender parts, whereas I don't want any buzzing thing anywhere near me. I'm so sensitive I don't even much like massage, just more subtle forms of bodywork like cranio sacral and acupuncture.

I remember years ago when I taught in an intensive writing program, a lot of students and faculty would get together at night in a loud bar where we had to shout to be heard. They always urged me to come, and I always declined. Finally I went to be a good sport, and it was hard for me to believe that people actually enjoyed that atmosphere. 

Many people went night after night because for them it was truly fun! Whereas for me, fun means sitting for hours beside a quiet stream or lake, alone or with just a few people, watching some fish jump or some turtles poke up their heads. Frogs, egrets, herons, clouds, shadows dancing on the opposite shore -- now, that makes me happy.

I am pretty far on the far side of being a Highly Sensitive Person. Yet, here's the odd twist. Although I am a homebody who needs quiet, I have also traveled by choice to many countries around the world. I love attending or teaching intensive workshops for days on end. I love going new places, and I get bored and restless when my life gets too routine. This is because, in addition to my high sensitivity traits, I am also a High Sensation Seeker.

How is this even possible? I wondered that, too! So I have researched a great deal, and it turns out it's fairly common. About 50% of Highly Sensitive People also, like me, have another branch of their nervous system that loves novelty, adventure and intensity, and gets bored easily. As you can imagine, it's an interesting challenge to live a life that satisfies both my high sensitivity and my need for high sensation, so I've learned a huge amount about how to do it, and look forward to teaching about it.

Highly sensitive people make amazing girlfriends and partners because we tend to be exquisitely attuned. Yet our sensitivities also require special handling. If I didn't understand where they came from, I'd feel a lot more weird than I already do. And if I didn't communicate clearly about my needs, it would be easy for my GF to take our differences personally.